24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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