I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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