why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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