I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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