So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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