its not stalking. its research.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
