its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
