Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
