if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
