Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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