I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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