You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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