There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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