what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
