She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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