I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
