Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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