i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
