He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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