masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
