you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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