Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
