forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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