I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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