I need help removing her.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
