Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
