I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
