He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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