I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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