I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
