She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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