Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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