Duck Duck Cougar?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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