Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
