Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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