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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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