so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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