I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
