i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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