ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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