I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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