OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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