Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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