you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
soo... how was my night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
