Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
