hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
