Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
