Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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