Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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