He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
