you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
