they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
